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1. - Although I am too proud, and I have fame of being a very independent animal, need your affection and attention. Translation: I am the head, serve me. 2. - I believe blindly in you, and I know that you will take care of to me. Translation: NOW move the ass and go to work to make money so that it can live like a king, who is what I am. 3. - I promise firmly, oh my benefactor, not to abuse of you and not demant you another thing except your love. Translation: Whatever more attention I have, I want more. By the way,  see if you could find another slave for me. 4. - I will be a pacific island of calm and tranquillity, a faithful and affectionate friend, and I will purr of taste whenever you touch me, for the rest of my life. Translation: I will mew like a crazy person in all the house at 3:00 a.m. while trow the porcelain little figures of your grandmother, I will infest your house with fleas and will launch like a fierce on one of the legs of your mother when she comes to visit to us. 5. - Since I am authentic gourmet and taste of all type of sensations when I walk, I request to you that you provide rich nutritious food and fresh water to me. Translation: I want water of spring, renewed 6 times a day, fresh but not too much cold. I will reject any food that you make me, it dosen't matter how expensive is, if I consider that behind the door I can hunt appetizing birds or to jump between the trashcan bins. 6. - You know, dear friend, how much I like to sleep. I request to you for that reason you have prepared me a calm corner where I can rest calmly and feel safe. Translation: Calm down, don't worry to wake me up when I am sleeping. I know where and when you sleep, and my revenge will be terrible.  I guarantee it. 7. - If I am wounded or I undergo some type of disease, please make shore you dealed with competent hands. Translation: I reserve the right to destroy the hands of any veterinarian, it don't matter how expensive has cost you. 8. - In my last years, when my senses begin to fail and I lose my capacities, prepare me a comfortable and worthy, and an end free of sufferings. Translation: When the I had lived enough, send me towards my following reincarnation, in which I will be in charge to find new slaves who serves me. 9. - This is my plea, dear friend, my destiny depends on you. Translation: Perhaps I accept you like my slave, if you behave well.

Dear Friend Dog: I feel relly crushed that our ownes has sent you to the municipal dog pound by the lamp which you did not break, the fish that you did not eat, the carpet that you did not pee and the wall that you did not soil with red painting. Our owner noticed of the serious consequences product of the trauma that I must being run from the house to the edge of a precipice, to which I had to jump so that you did not eat me, and the times that I had myself to hide in the toilet so that you did not find me. Anyways,everything here in the house are much more calm, and good, so that you see that there are no resentments, I send a picture of me, so that you always remember me. Many Greetings, The Cat

 

In a bakery It leaves a bobbin and one shell(a mexican round bread).The shell went it bothering to the bobbin saying to him: - I am a shell, I am a shell

The bobbin always tell him  - settle down or I shoot  you

- I am a shell, I am a shell

- settle down or I shoot  you - I am a shell, I am a shell

- I WARN YOU! - BANG -

- I am donut, I am donut-

A woman was bathing the cat in her front yard, and passes a man and he says to her: - Lady, don't bath the cat. Watch, if you use to much water the cat will die... The woman didn't care and continues bathing the animal, but in the short while the man returns and he sees the cat thrown in the floor: - Didn't you payed attention, lady?I tolled you that the cat was going to die. - No, Sir, he did not die of water - the gross one said- but after expressing him so he could get dried.

- Hey man, I must give you the bad news, my cat has killed your dog. - But what you're are saying! My dog is doberman! - Ah, but is that my cat is hydraulic engineer.